February 15, 2009

Learn from Fictional Couples: Santa and Mrs. Claus

Yes, it's an unusual thought, but... what do we really know about the actual relationship between Santa and Mrs. Claus? Between Santa's annual one-night tour and the other 364 days he spends within the obscurity of his secret base, there's not much to go on. Mrs. Claus herself is often depicted as the cheery, stereotypical, subservient 1960s housewife, always smiling and always prepared with a plate of freshly baked cookies to whet Santa's considerable appetite. The question is, is Mrs. Claus really happy in her relationship? How does Santa contribute to the quality of their marriage?

The first thing that springs to mind is Santa's sleigh ride on December 25th. Not only is the sleigh roomy and comfortable, it's drawn by flying reindeer; one of which has a glowing nose. Santa is frequently illustrated soaring through the sky on his sleigh, silhouetted by the moon. Pretty romantic, right? So, where is Mrs. Claus when all of this is happening? Does Santa even ask her if she wants to come along for the ride?

After doing some research, I discovered that the Claus marriage was given a thorough examination in the song "Surabaya-Santa" from Jason Robert Brown's musical "Songs for a New World". Read the lyrics here.

Surabaya-Santa's portrayal of the Claus relationship raises some important concerns. We must take into consideration that not only is Mrs. Claus stuck in an isolated area with no surrounding civilization, she most likely has no social life aside from her conversations with elves. Santa, apparently, neither shaves nor exercises, which would understandably irritate Mrs. Claus after a length of time.

Where we might find hope that Santa's perceived generous nature would play an important role in his marriage, keep in mind that Santa isn't generous to everyone; he dictates which children will or will not receive presents, even though it could be argued that the most ill-behaved of children would benefit from some special attention. If Santa's love for children is so conditional and lacking in consideration, chances are that he's a bit of a control freak with his wife.

What can we take from this? Don't be a Santa Claus. And don't marry one, for the sake of your own sanity.


  1. I think it's worth asking ourselves: why do we assume he's married anyway? Yes, it fits somehow into our mental picture of a jolly old man, but it's quite possible - indeed, likely - that he's single.

    In any case, he's over 1660 years old. In that time he may well have been married and widowed a fair few times, so even if their is a Mrs Claus, she's not the original. I'm guessing he'll have gone for a younger model this time around!

  2. Santa Claus is... a vampire?? 1660 years old and comes out at night! That's awesome that you did the math for me. You've also got a good point about Santa's relationship status. Mrs. Claus only appeared recently in history, and she doesn't have roots in ancient mythology like Santa does.

  3. I'm with Anna...Santa would seem to make more sense as a single guy. But then, little kids think of Santa and the Mrs. as the perfect grandparent figures, so the utterly gross thought of them getting, you know...frisky...isn't really an issue. Whereas I spend much of every viewing of Santa Clause 2 (forced upon me every year by my kids) utterly squicked out. I love Santa. Does it then follow that I want to MARRY Santa? Erm, no. *makes icky face* Also, LMAO at Santa-as-vampire. That's one I'd never thought of.

  4. The ladies have it! Santa not only makes more sense as a single guy, but he is apparently undesirable to women. So, what would you change about Santa? His hairstyle? Maybe shave off the beard? Or is it just that he's so old? Captain Picard is old and girls seem to love him.

    Thanks Kendra!! (lol@icky face)

  5. LOL... Vampire Santa... That's right up there with Ninja Santa ..> http://askaninja.com/news/2006/01/05/ask-a-ninja-question-2-ninja-santa-quicktime

    Now I'm wondering what it would be like if there were a harem of Mrs. Claus-type women at the pole. Then again, in some countries if the kids are bad, they don't just get coal in their stockings; they get kicked/hit with a switch, stuffed in a bag and taken to Spain/Hell (Spain because, according to them, that's where Santa lives, not the Pole!). So, maybe Mrs. Claus keeps herself busy with all the bad children. =^oo^=

    I suspect Santa is undesirable because he's too much like Grandpa. That's all I've got, tho. :}

  6. Wow! Vampire Santa, Ninja Santa--who knew? Great link! I was also contemplating the notion that Santa Claus was a mythological Hugh Hefner. He's got fame and power, after all.

    Lol @ Santa living in Spain! This guy gets around. Thanks Dream Senshi!