With all the commotion about the book and movie "He's Just Not That Into You", I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if I flipped the whole idea around—so I did! The result, ladies and gentlemen, is finally here. It's called "He's Just That Into You". Instead of forcing women to realize that men find them completely unappealing, "He's Just That Into You" makes desperate leaps to provide (mostly) unrealistic examples of what men do when they're that into you. Basically, it's free, and it won't make you cry, so it's a gazillion times better. And, yes, a gazillion is a lot. Here are a few ways you'll know if he's that into you:
1. He's just that into you if he builds you a cake. In the movie "Napoleon Dynamite", Napoleon's classmate Pedro aspires to take unreachable dream girl Summer Wheatly to the Prom. "Maybe I'll build her a cake, or something," remarks Pedro, who soon builds one of the most beautiful cakes known to mankind. The lesson here is, ladies, that if a man is willing to build you a cake before having ever spoken to you, he is just that into you. Don't think it could happen? Ask this guy, who built a cake with the lettering, "Prom??" on it before his friends informed him that he was copying Napoleon Dynamite. (Click on the link to watch YouTube footage of what happened next.)
2. He's just that into you if he tells you that you're his density in front of all your friends. I mean, if he tells you that you're his destiny. George McFly got nervous and messed up on the first try—so what? Ladies, if a man can't speak properly when talking to you, he is just that into you. The fact that he doesn't care who overhears such a bold confession is a sure sign that he's been thinking of you for quite a while, or is being blackmailed by a scary alien from the planet Vulcan. Either way, you'll at least get a few dates out of it.
3. He's just that into you if he kisses you even though you haven't brushed your teeth for a hundred years. Remember the story of "Sleeping Beauty"? Well, there was no way she could have brushed her teeth during those one hundred years of slumber, so you can just imagine what her morning breath was like. If a guy is willing to lay one on you even though your breath reeks of the last century, he is just that into you, and is most likely your Prince Charming.
4. He's just that into you if he rigs your favorite video game with a surprise "marriage proposal level". As you can see for yourself, this one really happened! He even simulated the "Just Married" vehicle with all the junk flailing along behind it. Kudos to that guy, who is obviously just that into his fiancee! And finally...
5. He's just that into you if he acquires super powers, creates an alternate persona, and wears spandex just to get next to you. Anyone can get bitten by a radioactive spider, but only a truly smitten man will design his own alter-ego and spandex costume—and then rescue you in it.
If you've been inspired to think of your own "He's just that into you" ideas, please feel free to share them in the comments section!